Building confidence and self-esteem: more than just “feeling good”

Photo by Andhika Soreng on Unsplash

Confidence and self-esteem are often spoken about together, but they are not the same thing. Confidence is the belief in your ability to do something, whether it is speaking in public, learning a skill, or handling a difficult conversation. Self-esteem is the way you value yourself overall your sense of worth, regardless of what you achieve. Both are important, and both can be developed with intention.

Confidence tends to grow through action. When you take on challenges, practise skills, and see yourself succeed, your belief in your abilities naturally strengthens. It is often situation specific. Someone may feel confident at work but uncertain in social settings, or vice versa. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is more stable and less dependent on external results. It is tied to self-respect, self-compassion, and an underlying belief that you are valuable as a person.

One of the most common traps is waiting until you “feel” confident before acting. In reality, confidence often follows action, not the other way around. Taking small, manageable steps in areas you care about is far more effective than waiting for a perfect moment of courage. With each step, you gather evidence that you can handle more than you thought.

Self-esteem is built through consistent habits that reinforce your sense of worth. This might include setting boundaries, speaking to yourself with kindness rather than criticism, and surrounding yourself with people who treat you well. Self-esteem is not about never doubting yourself; it is about holding onto your value even when you face setbacks or criticism.

Therapy can be a helpful space to work on both. It provides an environment where you can explore the beliefs that shape your self-image, challenge unhelpful patterns, and develop strategies to build a stronger, more grounded sense of self. A therapist can also help you recognise the ways past experiences influence how you see yourself today, and guide you in creating healthier perspectives.

Developing confidence and self-esteem is a gradual process. Both grow best when you focus on progress rather than perfection, and when you measure success by how you live in alignment with your values, not just by outcomes. Over time, you can create a self-belief that is not only strong in certain moments but steady enough to carry you through challenges.